I just realized today, in 3 weeks we will be in Tennessee for the transfer. In 3 weeks, there will be warmth, instead of the chilly cold, for you, Little One. In 3 weeks, Lord willing, you will cling to me for dear life and start to grow, grow, grow.
This journey has seemed so incredibly long. From the early years of being a little girl, practicing my "mommy skills" on a Cabbage Patch doll (which I accidentally left outside one night and she became terribly ill (mold) ... don't worry, I hope and pray my skills have improved!), to the years of late, the longing, tears, waiting, and dreams. Such a long time. Yet now, it is potentially, no, Lord willing (please Lord, will it!), 3 weeks until we bring you home, and it seems to have flown by. I'm worried now, I only have 3 WEEKS! Haha, oh my, how silly my thoughts are.
What will I do with these 3 weeks? I will wait. Wait on You, Lord.
The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. Lamentations 3:25
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
swishy pants
Remember the post about side effects? There's one I'd like to add. No, two.
If I cry randomly for no reason, at least no serious reason, like say, someone not putting enough mozzarella cheese on a pizza, it's the drugs. Or I'm just ridiculous, which could very well be, but I'm blaming the drugs.
If my eyes sound like they're wearing swishy pants when they glance from right to left, left to right, (more like I hear "swish, swish, swish, swish" when they move) it's the drugs. Or, I'm hoping it is at least, because if it's not, I'm going crazy.
I haven't been feeling too great (hot, headache, swishy pants, and nauseous at times), but today I have felt pretty good. I must be getting used to the swishy pants effect.
Thank You, Lord, for Your gifting the doctors and giving them crazy knowledge about the things beneficial to making my tummy a homey place for Little One. As You will, in all!
If I cry randomly for no reason, at least no serious reason, like say, someone not putting enough mozzarella cheese on a pizza, it's the drugs. Or I'm just ridiculous, which could very well be, but I'm blaming the drugs.
If my eyes sound like they're wearing swishy pants when they glance from right to left, left to right, (more like I hear "swish, swish, swish, swish" when they move) it's the drugs. Or, I'm hoping it is at least, because if it's not, I'm going crazy.
I haven't been feeling too great (hot, headache, swishy pants, and nauseous at times), but today I have felt pretty good. I must be getting used to the swishy pants effect.
Thank You, Lord, for Your gifting the doctors and giving them crazy knowledge about the things beneficial to making my tummy a homey place for Little One. As You will, in all!
Monday, February 27, 2012
new digs
Sometimes I overthink things. Example:
When we go for the transfer, I wanted to wear something special. Something sweet. I know, I'm silly. But, it is a big deal to me. So, I got some new digs for the special day. Words mean a lot to me, see the pic below.
The shirt is from Show Hope, a Christian adoption group founded by Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman, that does oodles for orphans around the world. The Chapmans have a beautiful adoption story, and a heartaching story of loss as well. I challenge you to read Mary Beth's book, Choosing to See ... so good. A must read.
Anyway, the shirt. When I saw it, I knew it was "the" shirt. Show Hope. Hope for those waiting for a family. Whether it be traditional adoption or embryo adoption, we are to be showing hope to those little ones waiting.
The shoes are Tom's. And they say, "Let Love Rule" ... pretty obvious why I like those, huh? And a perk of the Tom's is that they donate a pair to a child in need when you buy a pair. Pretty neat if you ask me!
Can't wait til the big day! Neither one will be worn until then!
You are loved beyond a shadow of a doubt, Little One. If and when you come to us, you will always feel it. Lord, as you will!
(Oh, and I get to get a pedicure for the big day as well. Lips promised.)
When we go for the transfer, I wanted to wear something special. Something sweet. I know, I'm silly. But, it is a big deal to me. So, I got some new digs for the special day. Words mean a lot to me, see the pic below.
The shirt is from Show Hope, a Christian adoption group founded by Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman, that does oodles for orphans around the world. The Chapmans have a beautiful adoption story, and a heartaching story of loss as well. I challenge you to read Mary Beth's book, Choosing to See ... so good. A must read.
Anyway, the shirt. When I saw it, I knew it was "the" shirt. Show Hope. Hope for those waiting for a family. Whether it be traditional adoption or embryo adoption, we are to be showing hope to those little ones waiting.
The shoes are Tom's. And they say, "Let Love Rule" ... pretty obvious why I like those, huh? And a perk of the Tom's is that they donate a pair to a child in need when you buy a pair. Pretty neat if you ask me!
Can't wait til the big day! Neither one will be worn until then!
You are loved beyond a shadow of a doubt, Little One. If and when you come to us, you will always feel it. Lord, as you will!
(Oh, and I get to get a pedicure for the big day as well. Lips promised.)
Friday, February 24, 2012
how to
Shot #3 is done. I still can't do it to myself. Something about jabbing that thing into my body that just gives me the heebie jeebies. I don't know what I'm going to do if I'm ever home alone. I guess I will have to give Fiona Injection Training 101 soon. She can hold the syringe with her paw, right?
Earlier today I did some painting. Now, I'm not an artist by any means, but I love to dabble in different things. Even if that dabbling looks like a four year old did it. Oh well, it will be a while before Little One realizes what a terrible artist I am at least.
Earlier today I did some painting. Now, I'm not an artist by any means, but I love to dabble in different things. Even if that dabbling looks like a four year old did it. Oh well, it will be a while before Little One realizes what a terrible artist I am at least.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
one down
Well, I'm alive! Yes, tonight was the first of many shots, and I am alive to tell about it! Whew. It was touch and go there for a bit, but I pulled through!
Actually, it wasn't so bad. I think I've had mosquito bites worse than that belly shot. And I think I've finally found a reason to be thankful for the lovely "cupcake top" I have around my midsection. Turns out flab doesn't have much feeling! Yes!
A big shout out and lots of love to my Mom who came and walked me through the process and gave me the first one. My apologies for the slight freak out I had as you held the syringe like a dart and aimed it at my belly. Won't happen again. Scout's honor.
Actually, it wasn't so bad. I think I've had mosquito bites worse than that belly shot. And I think I've finally found a reason to be thankful for the lovely "cupcake top" I have around my midsection. Turns out flab doesn't have much feeling! Yes!
A big shout out and lots of love to my Mom who came and walked me through the process and gave me the first one. My apologies for the slight freak out I had as you held the syringe like a dart and aimed it at my belly. Won't happen again. Scout's honor.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
side effects
Tomorrow I start my shots. I'm excited. Actually, I really kind of am. I mean, I don't want to stick myelf with a needle, I still have that ridiculous fear of them, but I'm eagerly anticipating it, oddly enough!
I was looking over the "side effects" of the various meds I have to be on, and let's just say the list isn't short. I've given warning to those who are closest to my daily life, so if they wonder, 'WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!??', they'll know the reason. Read on for some laughs.
In the next month, if I'm:
More loopy than usual, it's the drugs.
Lightheaded, it's the drugs.
Complaining of a headache, it's the drugs.
Bent over because my tummy hurts, it's the drugs.
Slightly bloated, it's the drugs.
Thinking I'm gonna throw up, it's the drugs.
Throwing up, it's the drugs.
Gaining scads of weight, it's the drugs.
Protective of my chest because it's terribly painful, it's the drugs.
Overly sleepy, it's the drugs.
Displaying a lack of coordination, it's the drugs.
Occasionally peeing my pants, it's the drugs.
Not able to lift a gallon of milk because I'm weak, it's the drugs.
Never hungry, it's the drugs.
Acting like a 50 year old with hot flashes, it's the drugs.
Blowing my nose constantly, it's the drugs.
Staying up all night, it's the drugs.
In the bathroom with number 3 often, it's the drugs.
Retaining fluid and have sausage fingers, it's the drugs.
Losing patches of my hair, it's the drugs.
Cranky all the time, it's the drugs.
And, if I'm pregnant at the end of all this, it will be worth every single one of them!!!!
I was looking over the "side effects" of the various meds I have to be on, and let's just say the list isn't short. I've given warning to those who are closest to my daily life, so if they wonder, 'WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!??', they'll know the reason. Read on for some laughs.
In the next month, if I'm:
More loopy than usual, it's the drugs.
Lightheaded, it's the drugs.
Complaining of a headache, it's the drugs.
Bent over because my tummy hurts, it's the drugs.
Slightly bloated, it's the drugs.
Thinking I'm gonna throw up, it's the drugs.
Throwing up, it's the drugs.
Gaining scads of weight, it's the drugs.
Protective of my chest because it's terribly painful, it's the drugs.
Overly sleepy, it's the drugs.
Displaying a lack of coordination, it's the drugs.
Occasionally peeing my pants, it's the drugs.
Not able to lift a gallon of milk because I'm weak, it's the drugs.
Never hungry, it's the drugs.
Acting like a 50 year old with hot flashes, it's the drugs.
Blowing my nose constantly, it's the drugs.
Staying up all night, it's the drugs.
In the bathroom with number 3 often, it's the drugs.
Retaining fluid and have sausage fingers, it's the drugs.
Losing patches of my hair, it's the drugs.
Cranky all the time, it's the drugs.
And, if I'm pregnant at the end of all this, it will be worth every single one of them!!!!
Monday, February 20, 2012
ciao!
This girl, she is worth{lots}.
She came to us from Italy, and we love her dearly. She has stepped out of her comfort zone in every possible way while she's been here. This is her, in the high school's Show Choir, a competitive song and dance group. She's never danced. Never sang. And, she's a star! And such a joy!
Thank You, Lord, for the blessing of our Jo. May she know and feel You and Your immeasurable love today.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
high cholesterol
Today, I met my folks for coffee. They took time out of their run to GNC to get Niacin, and Fleet Farm to get bird food, to chat with me for a while. It was lovely.
I love my parents. And I love the wonderful blend of bits of them that I am. For example:
From my Dad, I get my:
From my Mom, I get my:
Thank you, Mom and Dad, for being you, and rubbing that off on me! Love you both!
I love my parents. And I love the wonderful blend of bits of them that I am. For example:
From my Dad, I get my:
- good looks
- high cholesterol
- love of layers, though, he has me beat
- love of saltine crackers and milk
- love of old movies
- gassy reactions to certain foods (sorry, but it's the truth!)
- the love of touch
- intense personality
- talent of lame joke telling, and the love of them as well
- appreciation of order
- love of nature
- love for the silly
- appreciation for coupons, though I'm terrible at using them
- constant need of having music on in the background
- obsession of coffee
- desire to run after the Lord
From my Mom, I get my:
- good looks
- low blood pressure
- giddyness when I'm tired
- love of family
- creative flare
- ability to tune out everything when I'm watching a movie
- love of baking and cooking
- touchy feely-ness
- easy going side
- ability to laugh hysterically for no reason
- love of nature
- love of crab rangoon
- love of Chinese food in general
- fun loving personality
- tender spirit
- smile
- love for the peculiar
Thank you, Mom and Dad, for being you, and rubbing that off on me! Love you both!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
dramatic
I might be a bit dramatic, at times. Or, most of the time. I don't know for sure, but I've been told. This time, it has worked to my favor.
I managed to work up such a panic about these shots I have to have, that today, when I was looking at things a bit more closely, I realized it's not as bad as I had originally thought! Yessssssss! This is in no way saying I'm excited about sticking myself with a needle, but I am MORE confident that I can handle it!
There aren't 130 needles to give shots, but only 80, and they will last for the month after the transfer. And, at the most I will only have to have two shots a day.
I feel like bursting in to song. Like, Julie Andrews from The Sound of Music, as she's walking to the Von Trapp's home ...
"I have confidence in sunshine! I have confidence in rain! I have confidence that spring will come again! Besides which you see, I have confidence in me!"
I managed to work up such a panic about these shots I have to have, that today, when I was looking at things a bit more closely, I realized it's not as bad as I had originally thought! Yessssssss! This is in no way saying I'm excited about sticking myself with a needle, but I am MORE confident that I can handle it!
There aren't 130 needles to give shots, but only 80, and they will last for the month after the transfer. And, at the most I will only have to have two shots a day.
I feel like bursting in to song. Like, Julie Andrews from The Sound of Music, as she's walking to the Von Trapp's home ...
"I have confidence in sunshine! I have confidence in rain! I have confidence that spring will come again! Besides which you see, I have confidence in me!"
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
love day
Happy Love Day, my Snow Angel. Lord willing, you will see, hear, and feel the love outside your snow angel state by this time next year.
That makes me smile.
That makes me smile.
Friday, February 10, 2012
man in brown
You know how when that man in brown knocks on your door and hands you a package, it feels like Christmas? Right? Well, today that man in brown came and handed me my package, and for a brief moment I was really excited. Then, I opened it.
I kid you not when I say it was a big box of needles. Dead serious. Needles that I get to stab into my flesh. I kid you not, again, when I say that I started to cry. And shake. If you don't remember just a few days ago my post about my hatred of needles, I'll remind you: I hate needles. There are 130 needles. For ONE MONTH????? Holy cowboy. I need to stop thinking about them!
Someone asked me what it was all for, why I would need such medication. I said, "Well, we want my body to be as hospitable of a place as possible for the little one. We don't want it hostile. We want it welcoming. It's kind of like I'm hanging a pineapple outside my uterus with all these meds."
So, I've resolved to look at it a different way. I will pretend I'm shooting pineapples into my body. This sounds like fun now! I'm still not convinced.
Ok, ok. I will be ok. I am willing, ready, and able to do this! Needles? Pah! I laugh in their face! I spit at their sting! I stand tall at their ... oh, who am I kidding? I'm going to cry.
But, it's worth every pinch, for you, little one.
I kid you not when I say it was a big box of needles. Dead serious. Needles that I get to stab into my flesh. I kid you not, again, when I say that I started to cry. And shake. If you don't remember just a few days ago my post about my hatred of needles, I'll remind you: I hate needles. There are 130 needles. For ONE MONTH????? Holy cowboy. I need to stop thinking about them!
Someone asked me what it was all for, why I would need such medication. I said, "Well, we want my body to be as hospitable of a place as possible for the little one. We don't want it hostile. We want it welcoming. It's kind of like I'm hanging a pineapple outside my uterus with all these meds."
So, I've resolved to look at it a different way. I will pretend I'm shooting pineapples into my body. This sounds like fun now! I'm still not convinced.
Ok, ok. I will be ok. I am willing, ready, and able to do this! Needles? Pah! I laugh in their face! I spit at their sting! I stand tall at their ... oh, who am I kidding? I'm going to cry.
But, it's worth every pinch, for you, little one.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
143
Did you know that the numerical way to say "I love you" is "143" ...
One letter, four letters, three letters. See, I'll show you:
1 = I
4 = love
3 = you
I'm not sure exactly how I discovered that piece of information. Someone once told me that Mr. Rogers used to say that. I did watch him, often. He was such a gentle man. I could see him saying that. I digress. Regardless of how I came upon the number again, I'm just glad I did. It has made me smile countless times, as I see it in random places. On the clock. House numbers. Bar codes. Even one of the Paneras in Rochester is shouting "I love you" with their "143 capacity" sign. I've got to snap a pic of that next time I'm there!
Tonight, I put on my crafty gloves and made a little something. Three canvas boards, each with their own number, to shout loudly for all to see, "143" ... or, "I LOVE YOU" ... it hangs in Little One's room, a gentle reminder that love will never be questioned. You are loved beyond imagination, and you are worth{lots}.
One letter, four letters, three letters. See, I'll show you:
1 = I
4 = love
3 = you
I'm not sure exactly how I discovered that piece of information. Someone once told me that Mr. Rogers used to say that. I did watch him, often. He was such a gentle man. I could see him saying that. I digress. Regardless of how I came upon the number again, I'm just glad I did. It has made me smile countless times, as I see it in random places. On the clock. House numbers. Bar codes. Even one of the Paneras in Rochester is shouting "I love you" with their "143 capacity" sign. I've got to snap a pic of that next time I'm there!
Tonight, I put on my crafty gloves and made a little something. Three canvas boards, each with their own number, to shout loudly for all to see, "143" ... or, "I LOVE YOU" ... it hangs in Little One's room, a gentle reminder that love will never be questioned. You are loved beyond imagination, and you are worth{lots}.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
ouch
As I've been preparing myself for the journey ahead, I think there's only one part of this whole adventure I'm not totally convinced I can do.
Shots.
Meaning, needles. I hate needles. I can't tell you how much I hate them. The thought of the them. The sight of them. The feel of them intruding my body. The thought of them sitting in my vein, waiting for the slightest move from me to rip out, tearing my skin, sending me over an emotional cliff of crying out in agonizing pain. UG! (I am not dramatic. Nope, nope, nope.)
I detest having blood drawn. I can't watch. I wish the nurse wouldn't speak to me during my yearly check-up, as she non-challantly talks about how she's having a bad day, is really tired, or, "Oops, missed again. I'll have to try your other arm." PLEASE STOP! I have surprisingly given blood, of my own free will, twice. I felt compassionate and thought I should just suck it up and help those in need. The first time, I did fine. The second time, well, let's just say I awoke to eight faces hovered over mine, and someone asking, "Do you know where you are?" That ended my donating blood stint, no pun intended.
Yes, you get it, I hate them.
So, imagine my joy as I ordered my meds today, that I will need to prepare my body for this little one, knowing that it includes not one med involving a shot, but two. I can do this. I can do this. Right? Right!
You, little one, are so worth every shot in the history of man to me! I can do this, I WILL do this, with the Lord's help, and a wash cloth to bite down on.
Shots.
Meaning, needles. I hate needles. I can't tell you how much I hate them. The thought of the them. The sight of them. The feel of them intruding my body. The thought of them sitting in my vein, waiting for the slightest move from me to rip out, tearing my skin, sending me over an emotional cliff of crying out in agonizing pain. UG! (I am not dramatic. Nope, nope, nope.)
I detest having blood drawn. I can't watch. I wish the nurse wouldn't speak to me during my yearly check-up, as she non-challantly talks about how she's having a bad day, is really tired, or, "Oops, missed again. I'll have to try your other arm." PLEASE STOP! I have surprisingly given blood, of my own free will, twice. I felt compassionate and thought I should just suck it up and help those in need. The first time, I did fine. The second time, well, let's just say I awoke to eight faces hovered over mine, and someone asking, "Do you know where you are?" That ended my donating blood stint, no pun intended.
Yes, you get it, I hate them.
So, imagine my joy as I ordered my meds today, that I will need to prepare my body for this little one, knowing that it includes not one med involving a shot, but two. I can do this. I can do this. Right? Right!
You, little one, are so worth every shot in the history of man to me! I can do this, I WILL do this, with the Lord's help, and a wash cloth to bite down on.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
embrace
As our church reads through the Word in 90 days, it has amazed me at how many women in the Old Testament are mentioned as being childless. I should have started counting, there are many.
They twinge at my heart each time I read about one. Their pain, sadness, the way they were tormented, mocked, their longing, and so on and so forth. And, in some cases, when the Lord gives them a child, their faith, their rejoicing, their love, their dedication to the Lord.
One of my favorites is from 2 Kings 4. Elisha, the prophet, is show great hospitality by a Shunammite woman, and he wants to repay her kindness. He asks her what she needs, but this woman was very wealthy, and she needs nothing done for her. So, he tells her, knowing that she has no son, "At this season, about this time next year, you shall embrace a son."
Her response?
"No, my lord, O man of God: do not lie to your servant."
I don't think she was accusing him of lying, per se. I think it was she was shocked. It was a deep longing for her, she wanted it, but considering her circumstances, it was just hard to believe it could be true! She didn't want to be teased, or get her hopes up.
But, it was true. The Lord gave her a son. I can only imagine her joy! It's a great story, one of the grace of the Lord, one of His gifts to us when we listen to Him, one of crazy love (the boy later dies), one of crazy belief (the woman runs to Elisha, for she knows he's a man of God, and God is powerful), and one of a great miracle (the boy lives again, and sneezes a lot!). You really should check it out!
This is another delicate balance for me. I see the cry of these women, and I see how the Lord provides. I know He can do miracles, He's proven it, and I believe it. I just never, ever, want to EXPECT the Lord to provide for me in the way I WANT Him to. Sure, I long for it, with so much of my heart, but more so, I long for Him. For Him to be my satisfaction, longing, desire. Nothing else.
So, should the Lord provide the blessing of a little one, through this adoption of my snow angel, you will find me waiting, with open arms! And, if he has another plan, you will find me with open arms still, ready for His love, grace and hands holding me tight.
They twinge at my heart each time I read about one. Their pain, sadness, the way they were tormented, mocked, their longing, and so on and so forth. And, in some cases, when the Lord gives them a child, their faith, their rejoicing, their love, their dedication to the Lord.
One of my favorites is from 2 Kings 4. Elisha, the prophet, is show great hospitality by a Shunammite woman, and he wants to repay her kindness. He asks her what she needs, but this woman was very wealthy, and she needs nothing done for her. So, he tells her, knowing that she has no son, "At this season, about this time next year, you shall embrace a son."
Her response?
"No, my lord, O man of God: do not lie to your servant."
I don't think she was accusing him of lying, per se. I think it was she was shocked. It was a deep longing for her, she wanted it, but considering her circumstances, it was just hard to believe it could be true! She didn't want to be teased, or get her hopes up.
But, it was true. The Lord gave her a son. I can only imagine her joy! It's a great story, one of the grace of the Lord, one of His gifts to us when we listen to Him, one of crazy love (the boy later dies), one of crazy belief (the woman runs to Elisha, for she knows he's a man of God, and God is powerful), and one of a great miracle (the boy lives again, and sneezes a lot!). You really should check it out!
This is another delicate balance for me. I see the cry of these women, and I see how the Lord provides. I know He can do miracles, He's proven it, and I believe it. I just never, ever, want to EXPECT the Lord to provide for me in the way I WANT Him to. Sure, I long for it, with so much of my heart, but more so, I long for Him. For Him to be my satisfaction, longing, desire. Nothing else.
So, should the Lord provide the blessing of a little one, through this adoption of my snow angel, you will find me waiting, with open arms! And, if he has another plan, you will find me with open arms still, ready for His love, grace and hands holding me tight.
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