one word

At the end of the year 2009, I heard of the great idea of picking ONE WORD, focused on your relationship with the Lord, as your type of New Year's resolution, instead of a whole list of ridiculous things that will never be accomplished. I liked it.

So, when 2010 hit, I picked my word.

Selfless

Yep, I picked selfless. I wanted to strive to be selfless, because let's face it, I'm seriously selfish. I kept a reminder of my word in various places around my house, in my Bible, on my computer, etc., etc.

However, 2010 ended up being what I am convinced was, and will be, the most SELFISH year of my life. It was the complete opposite of what I had wanted to strive for with the Lord, and I pretty much ignored Him in every single area of my life. I am ashamed of it. There isn't much in that year that I really ever care to repeat.

2011 came and I didn't pick a word. 2010's nearly killed me, I wasn't doing that again so soon.

2012. I decided that I would try again with another word. I thought long and hard about it because I wanted a word that I was sure I could handle. All I wanted in my word for this year (and forever, honestly), was something that was totally about Him. Him being my all. Him overwhelming me. So, I picked it.

Consumed

Easy enough, I thought. Right? Being selfless was something that was MY responsibility to act upon. And I failed, big time. But, being consumed by God was up to Him to do. Right? Kind of.

I was driving home the other night, thinking about the next thing on my list I had to accomplish and about how overwhelmed I am currently with life. Too busy with this, that. Preparing for another transfer. Being involved in numerous weddings. Living life with others. Emotionally overwhelmed. Physically overwhelmed. And then it hit me: I'm overwhelmed in every area of my life EXCEPT spiritually, my relationship with God. It seems I have once again, shot myself in the foot with my word for the year. I have let every other single thing around me, distract me from and shove out the important, all-satisfying God of the universe. The God of me. I am so thankful to have realized this at the halfway marker of the year instead of the end of it.

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be THANKFUL, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire. {Hebrews 12:28-29}

Choosing to not be thankful, and forgetting to be awed and amazed by my God, has allowed me to let the cares, distractions, and worries of this life creep in and crowd Him out. My choice. Ouch. God will consume me, when I am open and available to Him, and I so want that! Listen: I have to be OPEN and AVAILABLE to Him (that's up to me), and then God will consume me (up to Him)! Oh, and don't forget, God doesn't fail, so it's promise!

So, it seems the answer to my problem is simple, really.

Why am I not being thankful? Thankfulness is KEY, I will practice it! Where am I spending my time, if not with Him? Time is CRUCIAL, I will give it to Him! How am I not letting myself take joy in His amazing and simple gifts? His gifts are ABUNDANT, I wll seek them out! Why don't I stand in awe when I see Him move in my life? I will PAUSE and soak in Him! Where is my wreckless abandon in worship? I will lay down my ALL! Why am I letting myself be consumed by everything but Him? I WILL NOT allow that to happen any longer!

2012 will go down as a year consumed, by Him and Him alone.

He says

Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.

{Isaiah 43:1b}

Do you need a reminder today, my friend? I know I do!

You, yes you, (and me!), are worth{lots}. Put a reminder somewhere you can see it. Look at it, every single day. Don't let it leave your mind, your heart. Mine is strapped around my wrist. He says, you are MINE ... that screams worth{lots}. He also says you are precious in His eyes, honored, and loved.

Please, don't believe a lie that says differently.

the color of grace

I love the idea of painting, in an artistic way. I just can't seem to tap into that side of me very well yet, unfortunately.

I've been given no other choice than to be "crafty" this year with wedding gifts. We have an unreal amount of weddings, and honestly, at a low estimate of $20 per gift, per wedding, well, I just had to be creative to save some pennies! So, I bought some canvas. And paints. And brushes. Oh, and one of those great roundish things with the divots in it for paint, I have no idea what it's called ... you know, like Bob Ross has, only mine is plastic. Cheesy, right?

As I smeared the paint on the canvas for my first time, ever, I was quite excited. And then, I put more paint on. And, another color. And then, more paint. Then it dried. And then ... I repainted the whole thing again, right over the dried paint. It was awful, believe you me. I was slightly frustrated with it, with myself.

As I looked at the mess on the canvas I had made, and began to paint over the whole thing, I was thinking, how much my life is like that canvas in a way.

Sometimes I have my own ideas of what my life should look like, what I want to do, where I want to go, etc., etc., without concern of what God has for me in those areas. And then, as I stand back and look, I am left with a sloppy mess, a hurting heart, or whatever the circumstance may be. What was I thinking? Why did I think I could run my life the way I wanted, instead of the way He wants? Oh, silly me.

Thankfully, God is there, ready to repaint the messes of my life with His grace when I call out to Him. Wow, I am so thankful for His grace! It's a beautiful color on the canvas of my life.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
{2 Corinthians 12:9}

{And guess what? I am going to repaint it, again. It's still AWFUL. And, if you're reading this and getting married this year, my deepest apologies. Feel free to hang your gift in the closet.}

$14.97

While I have been struggling the past few weeks with far greater and more serious emotional and physical issues than the one I'm about to describe, it has been bothering me a bit recently. Be ready. It's seriously vain.

 

A dark spot. Or, an AGE spot (gasp!). The latter I consider swearing, implying I'm OLD, so I will not refer to it as that.

 

Yes, I have a dark spot. More like a dark rectangle. He's big. He appeared a few weeks ago (that I noticed), but obviously has been brewing for many, many years. Dang sun. Dang my lack of SPF lotion.

 

I really wouldn't care about him normally, but he's hanging out, right above my lip. I look like I have half a chocolate milk mustache. Not cool. No, don't get me wrong, I love chocolate milk, and I love chocolate milk mustaches, just not counterfeits. This guy is an imposter in the world of chocolate milk mustaches. He has to go.

 

So, the last time I was in Wally World, I browsed the beauty section. And there I found it. A $14.97 tube of magic lotion, proudly declaring it was a "dark spot remover" ... I chucked it in my cart and moved on, eager to get home and erase this bad boy hanging out above my lip.

 

I've been using the magic lotion religiously for a while now, and GUESS WHAT? Yep, it's not working. The dark spot is still there. You might be laughing at me, thinking I'm ridiculous for spending $14.97 on that silly tube of lotion, somehow believing it will reverse years of damage to my skin, that is obviously my own fault. It's ok, laugh! I am silly, ridiculous and all that! I'm laughing too!

 

While I'm still not thrilled with this dark spot creep hanging out (forever!) above my lip, it has taught me some great lessons.

 

1. God uses the small, silly things in life to distract me from my bigger hurts sometimes. So, if it weren't for "dark spots" bugging me, I'd be an even larger emotional mess!
2. I really have so much to be thankful for, and dark spots are such a trivial, silly thing, I won't waste my time seriously worrying about them! I will rejoice with my blessings!
3. Don't belive everything Garnier has to say.

little bunny foo foo

We've all heard the song at some point in our lives.

Little Bunny Foo Foo, hopping through the forest, scooping up the field mice, and boppin' 'em on the head!

Lately, I won't lie (as much as I hate to admit it), this song seems to sum me up.

Some days, (or every few minutes), I'm Little Bunny Foo Foo. I hop along, scoop up field mice, and bop them on the head. For apparently no good reason. No really, that naughty bunny is me. I go around, grumpy, angry, mad at the world, and bop people (who in no way deserve it) on the head with my bad attitude and lack of joy. Seriously. This bunny needs to get a grip.

And the other days, (or every other few minutes), I feel like those poor field mice. What did they do to deserve continual, day after day, bopping on the head from that nasty bunny? That's me though, a mouse with a headache and a 'woe is me' mentality. Things keep bopping me on the head and I don't know why. One after the other. What's next? Oh the life of a poor, innocent field mouse. (Gag)

Funny thing is though, as much as I've been living these silly characters out in my life for the past few weeks, I don't want to be like them. Foo Foo for one, well, that bunny is a jerk! Ug. I would not want that bunny around me! And the field mice, who wants to run around feeling like a victim? And who wants to hang around a mouse that feels like a victim? Moral of the song: I don't want to bop people on the head. And I certainly don't want to be bopped on the head.

Now, how do I get there?

Option A) According to the song, there's a fairy who comes and warns Foo Foo to stop bopping, who in turn doesn't listen (of course), and is then eventually turned into a Goon. Apparently, Goons are nicer than bunnies, and don't bop things on the head. Problem solved on both ends. Bad bunny gone. Good. Nice Goon here. Good. Mice are safe. Good. Pleeeeeeeease, magic fairy, get here soon!

Option B) Surrender, Press, Trust.

• If I'd just surrender my anger, my hurts, my everything, to the Lord, He'd take it from me. He wants my surrender. He wants to see my white flag.
• If I'd just press in to Him, instead of myself, I'd feel secure. It's hard to be bitter or scared when all you can see is His arms around you.
• If I'd just trust Him, completely, to know His path is exactly that, HIS PATH and not mine, I could rest and not worry.

 Yep, kind of a no-brainer.

Lord, I surrender to You, I can't carry it anymore. I'm pressing in to You, hold me tight. And, I'm trusting You. Period.
                                         Signed, mean bunny Foo Foo & the pitiful mice.