one word

At the end of the year 2009, I heard of the great idea of picking ONE WORD, focused on your relationship with the Lord, as your type of New Year's resolution, instead of a whole list of ridiculous things that will never be accomplished. I liked it.

So, when 2010 hit, I picked my word.

Selfless

Yep, I picked selfless. I wanted to strive to be selfless, because let's face it, I'm seriously selfish. I kept a reminder of my word in various places around my house, in my Bible, on my computer, etc., etc.

However, 2010 ended up being what I am convinced was, and will be, the most SELFISH year of my life. It was the complete opposite of what I had wanted to strive for with the Lord, and I pretty much ignored Him in every single area of my life. I am ashamed of it. There isn't much in that year that I really ever care to repeat.

2011 came and I didn't pick a word. 2010's nearly killed me, I wasn't doing that again so soon.

2012. I decided that I would try again with another word. I thought long and hard about it because I wanted a word that I was sure I could handle. All I wanted in my word for this year (and forever, honestly), was something that was totally about Him. Him being my all. Him overwhelming me. So, I picked it.

Consumed

Easy enough, I thought. Right? Being selfless was something that was MY responsibility to act upon. And I failed, big time. But, being consumed by God was up to Him to do. Right? Kind of.

I was driving home the other night, thinking about the next thing on my list I had to accomplish and about how overwhelmed I am currently with life. Too busy with this, that. Preparing for another transfer. Being involved in numerous weddings. Living life with others. Emotionally overwhelmed. Physically overwhelmed. And then it hit me: I'm overwhelmed in every area of my life EXCEPT spiritually, my relationship with God. It seems I have once again, shot myself in the foot with my word for the year. I have let every other single thing around me, distract me from and shove out the important, all-satisfying God of the universe. The God of me. I am so thankful to have realized this at the halfway marker of the year instead of the end of it.

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be THANKFUL, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire. {Hebrews 12:28-29}

Choosing to not be thankful, and forgetting to be awed and amazed by my God, has allowed me to let the cares, distractions, and worries of this life creep in and crowd Him out. My choice. Ouch. God will consume me, when I am open and available to Him, and I so want that! Listen: I have to be OPEN and AVAILABLE to Him (that's up to me), and then God will consume me (up to Him)! Oh, and don't forget, God doesn't fail, so it's promise!

So, it seems the answer to my problem is simple, really.

Why am I not being thankful? Thankfulness is KEY, I will practice it! Where am I spending my time, if not with Him? Time is CRUCIAL, I will give it to Him! How am I not letting myself take joy in His amazing and simple gifts? His gifts are ABUNDANT, I wll seek them out! Why don't I stand in awe when I see Him move in my life? I will PAUSE and soak in Him! Where is my wreckless abandon in worship? I will lay down my ALL! Why am I letting myself be consumed by everything but Him? I WILL NOT allow that to happen any longer!

2012 will go down as a year consumed, by Him and Him alone.