gentle reminders

Sometimes, I need gentle reminders.

I don't open up easily to people. Sharing my feelings, heart, open and honestly, just doesn't come naturally for me. This is a fault I know I have, and I'm trying to get better, really.

And, opening my heart to love, to love this Little One to be, while it comes so naturally to me, has been difficult. I tried to keep it under control, knowing what the years of waiting behind me were like, and not wanting to get my hopes up only to have them dashed. I don't like to be hurt. I don't like being vulnerable. I don't like others to know I am hurt, or vulnerable.

But, you know what? It's ok. It's ok to love, to hurt, to be vulnerable. I was reminded of this by a sweet message sent to me by a dear friend a few weeks ago, right after the transfer.

I'm reminded of these words from C.S. Lewis:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your
heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to
make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no
one, not even to an animal ..."

E, it is not wrong for you to be vulnerable and love the babies inside of you. I don't want to see you hurt through this process in any way, but I want to encourage you in the love you are developing for the little ones. You are their mother, whether it is for days or many years to come. You are entitled to and privileged to love them. They are yours; a blessing from God. Do not fear the pain.

Ah, thank you, dear friend. And thank You, Lord, for using her to speak truth to me!

So, I will love. I did and do love you, Little Ones, and someday, I will meet you in Heaven. And I will continue to love. To love those He has waiting for us. Whether they be snow angels, or other little angels, they are waiting to be loved, and I will have love enough for them, too.