totally

{3 days later}

Elissa? Your numbers are at 675. Congratulations, you are TOTALLY pregnant! In a few weeks you'll go in for an ultrasound to see how things are progressing. Until then, congrats again!

Um, excuse me? Did somebody just tell me I'm pregnant? {insert happy dance here}

{Please keep our joyful news and the next few posts on the down low ...

nothing on FB, etc, please! Thank you, kindly!}

clear blue

If I were you, I'd go out a buy a pregnacy test. I couldn't wait!

My sweet friend. She makes me smile. And, she's very convincing!

After our first transfer, Tennessee gave us a sheet with a bunch of information on it for post-transfer orders. One of the items on the list was, DO NOT TAKE A PREGNANCY TEST AT HOME. Simply because, they can be false, especially so early on. I followed those directions to a T the first transfer. I am a rule follower, generally. I may BEND the rules, but I really try not to break them, haha. I think?

But, the second time ... well, I may have broken the rules. My friend made me do it, haha! The day before I was supposed to go in for my blood work, I got up early and got a test out. And then I put it back. No. I can't take this test. I shouldn't. I got it out again. I read the directions, and put it back. Then, I caved. I got it out, did as it told me to, and then waited. Within a minute, a big bold PREGNANT showed up on the screen.

Hm. That's strange. I've never seen that before, I thought.

Granted, I haven't taken many home pregnancy tests. I remember maybe one, within our first year of marriage even, and of course it wasn't positive. So, it was a rather strange feeling. I smiled and then hid it in the closet. Tell no one. I made a pact, with, ah, myself.

Twenty minutes later, I told.

So, I took a pregnancy test.
You did? They said not to do that.
Yes, I know. But I had to!
And?
It says I'm pregnant?
Well, hm. I think I'm going to wait to get too excited until the blood work.

He's much more practical than I am. I went about my day wondering why in the world I did the test a day before I did the blood work, because now I had to wait a day to find out for sure! Silly me.

The next day, I went for my blood work, then, I waited. Waited for Tennessee to call me and tell me what I hoped I already knew.

Elissa?
Yes, hello Kelly!
So, did you make any special cake pops or cupcakes today?
No ...
Well, you should have, because you need to celebrate! I just got your labs back and you're pregnant, girl! Numbers were great, 170. I will tell you to be cautiously optimistic though, until the second test in a few days. If we see the numbers go up substantially, you're set. How do you feel?
Crazy!

I actually don't remember how I responded, I was so shocked! I hung up the phone wishing I had some sort of Fast Forward button to speed through the next few days until my second blood test.

{Please keep this and the next few posts on the down low ...

nothing on FB, etc, please! Thank you, kindly!}

gotcha days

Gotcha day. It's an adoption term for the day you "got your" baby, toddler, kiddo, or, in our case, embies.

March 21, 2012: Our first gotcha day. Two beautiful embies from our wonderful donor couple, J & J, survived their thaw and were given to us, placed in ma'belly, and were carried home to Iowa, to prayerfully grow, grow, grow. As you know, those embies headed home to God and are now dancing for Him. I imagine two little girls in pink tutus dancing in His light, giggling. It is a comfort for me.

While this gotcha day didn't end as I had thought, but in tears and a sense of loss, I am beyond thankful for it. Thankful that our embies are experiencing life now, above, and thankful for the relationship we have with the donor couple, J & J. She has been a shoulder to me, carrying me through so many of the emotions, as she was once there herself. So, in a sense, March 21 was the gotcha day of a dear, dear friend. It will always be a special day to me.

June 12, 2012: Gotcha day #2. I won't lie. I went into this day with the expectation of loss. I figured the same thing would happen as did with our first embies, so I barely allowed myself to hope, other than in Christ. I held onto Him, but didn't allow myself to get so attached to the possibility of life, as I had done before. Remember, I don't like to hurt. I wasn't bitter, just wanted to get the loss over with again, if that's what was to happen.

This whole journey was crazy. Originally, our gotcha day was supposed to be May 16th, not the greatest for my schedule as I had a cake to make for a wedding, and the wedding festivities that weekend. But, we were going to make it work. A few weeks before the transfer, they had to move it to the first week in June, PERFECT! I was super glad for this move, as I didn't want to be uber stressed that week in May with my committments and all. BUT, a few weeks before that date, they moved it AGAIN, to the second week in June, which was probably the worst week possible for me. My best friend was getting married that week, I was in the wedding, had to make her a cake, plus help her out as much as possible. Ha! God has a funny sense of humor, huh?

So, we drove to Tennessee, had the transfer on Tuesday, June 12 (Jerome's birthday, of all days!!), drove home the very next day (straight through, 14+ hours), just in time for me to help my Krista prepare for the beginning of her and her fiance's beautiful life together. To say I was super exhausted by Sunday would be an understatement, haha!

This time, our donor couple, P & W, had three embies we adopted. Two survied the thaw, one did not. I know she's in Heaven with our others, dancing her little heart out. Why do I envision them all as girls? I have no idea! My silly brain!

With all we had going on that week and then next, I had zero time to worry, wonder, or stress. I'm so thankful for that! The wait to find out the results flew by.

Thank You, Lord, for your sovereignty, in all.