green duck

Today was the final check up day to clear us for the transfer. So, after a lengthy four hours of sleep (I decided to break the rules and have caffeine yesterday after 2 pm. Mistake.), I crawled out of bed, and made my way to the clinic.

First appointment. Blood draw. I must have made a terrible face when the man stuck me with the needle.

You doing ok?

Yeah, I just hate needles.

Inside my head though, I was trying to forget the size of the needle that comes next in my shot regimen.

Next appointment. Ultrasound. All is going well, until the technician speaks.

I think I've found a polyp here, so I need to document it. I don't know how that will affect your transfer.

What does that mean, is that bad?

I can't tell you, you'll have to wait to hear from Tennessee.

You can't telll me anything?

No, sorry.

I finished there and headed to the elevator. Once the doors closed, I lost it. What did this mean for me? For us? For Little One? I knew what a polyp was of course, I just didn't know what that meant for the transfer. Would we have to wait? Was it large enough to need surgery to remove it? What?! I was really wishing that technician hadn't said anything to me because I knew I wouldn't hear from Tennesse until later in the day.

I made it to my car, cried again, composed myself, and drove to the teller in the ramp.

Make it a good day!

I will try.

And, cue the waterworks, again. I decided I was being ridiculous and turned on the radio. I didn't even know what this polyp meant yet, I needed to calm down. Stevie Wonder came on, "Isn't She Wonderful?!" ... perfect! I rolled down my windows (Hey, 70 degrees at 8 am in MARCH? Hello!), threw on my shades Stevie Wonder style, and started singing, head weaving and all.

I was doing good! And then, a duck flew right in front of me and down into the lake. It was a green duck. And, I started crying again. (Seriously, I promise you, I am NOT NORMALLY this emotional!)

I did eventually calm down, received a sweet email from someone very special to us, and decided I needed to look for the happy things around me. Sun. Breeze. Coffee. Gerber Daisies. Hydrangeas. Shamrocks. (Picked up some of those for my Grandma!) Time. Thankful for time. His time, not mine.

Six hours later, after corned beef and cabbage with my Grandma and Mom, Tennessee called.

We want you to continue with your protocol. This "questionable polyp" isn't anything we feel is to be concerned about. If it's really there, it's small, and your other ultrasounds have been clear, so we are going to continue on. No need to worry. We'll see you on Wednesday.

Wednesday.

Tomorrow though, I look forward to a giant needle and a pedicure!

Thank You, Lord, for Your grace and steadfast love. Thank You for knowing. Thank You for seeing my tears, and keeping them in a bottle. Thank You for caring, beyond a shadow of a doubt, for this Little One.