embryo adoption

When I first started this blog, it was something for just my eyes. Now that I've opened it up to others, I realize that while most of you might know what embryo adoption is if you've talked to me, others may not be totally clear on the whole subject. I will do my best to explain.

You've heard of IVF (In Vitro Fertilization), right? A couple cannot concieve naturally, or is having difficulty, for whatever reason may be, so they medically ... well, I'm not going to explain this very well, so I'm going to borrow what americanpregnancy.org has to say about it:

IVF is the process of fertilization by manually combining an egg and sperm in a laboratory dish. When the IVF procedure is successful, the process is combined with a procedure known as embryo transfer which involves physically placing the embryo in the uterus.

Now, after a couple has done this, oftentimes they are left with additional embryos that will be frozen for future use. If a couple decides their family is complete later on down the road, they have a few different options for their embryos.

• Destroy them
• Donate them to science (which destroys them)
• Let them remain frozen indefinately
• Donate them to be adopted

Praise the Lord for the couples who know and value the life of these little embies (embryo + baby) to not destroy them and to also recognize the struggle (they've been there too!) others have had trying to have children and are willing to bless another couple (in one of the biggest ways I can think of!) with the gift of adoption! These embies were created for a reason, with oodles of love and hope, and need to be given the chance to have life!

Enter a couple like Jerome and I. We are unable to conceive naturally, unable to even do IVF together, though I am able to carry a child. Therefore, embryo adoption was a possibility for us. Embryo adoption is like traditional adoption in the sense that we are not the genetic parents of the child, but still the parents nonetheless, AND we have the opportunity to experience pregnancy.

There are two ways to adopt embies; annonymous or open. Annonymous means you know little or nothing of the donor family, and certainly don't have contact with them. Openly means it gives you the ablitity to have a realtionship with the donor family, just as in traditional open adoption. There was really no other way for us. It had to be an open adotpion. When we thought and prayed about it, and put ourselves in our potential child's shoes, we had to have an open adoption. There had to be the ability for, if nothing else, our child to know its genetic roots, siblings, genetic parents, etc., when he/she felt the need.

There are very few places in the country that give the option of OPENLY adopting another couple's embies, and the one we chose was the NEDC, in Knoxville, TN. The staff there is amazing, and once we had our home study completed (it is treated like a traditional adoption, therefore requiring a home study of each couple), they went to work matching us up with couples. Once we had matches, we were then presented to each couple for their approval or, or, non-approval? That sounds harsh, but I don't mean it that way at all. Letting another couple adopt your embies is a big deal! We had to pass inspection with them, haha, so to say.

We were giving the stamp of approval by three amazing couples, who have each blessed us in big ways. The willingness to allow us to adopt their embies, their potential children, is HUGE, and I will never, ever, ever be able to express my gratitude and love enough. The way these couples make me feel is indescribable, to say the least. More to come on them down the road!

The next step for us was the actual transfer of the embies. My body is poked, prodded and prepped to house the little ones, to hopefully grow and flourish. I've lost track of the number of needles either taking blood from me or pumping drugs into me. I cringe at the thought of each one, but at the same time am beyond thankful!!! Once I'm ready for take off, we head off to the clinic for the process I like to call, "fill your bladder til it's about to burst while I make you feel like I've poured fire in your innards at the same time as I prod around inside of you and push down on top of you while you hold your pee and lay perfectly still" ... they just call it an embryo transfer, fits better on the paperwork.

Once they are nestled in there, you wait. Wait for the results. And pray. Pray, pray, pray. It's a crazy, but wonderful experience.

I hope I have given you a better idea of this whole Embryo Adoption journey that we're on. I tried, at least! Please, don't ever hesitate to ask me any questions!

the one with the wedding

This girl, she is worth{lots}.

Her love for the Lord. Her gracious attitude. Her commitment to purity. Her continually pointing me to the Lord. I admire her more than I can say.

Thank You, Lord, for my beautiful Krista!

And thank you, K, for allowing me to be a part of your special day! You are beautiful and I love you, oh so much! And, I was trying to find a quote from Friends about Monica and Chandler's wedding, but I like this one instead:

Reporter: I like that. What's your name?
Pheobe: Pheobe. That's, P, as in Phoebe, H, as in heobe, O as in oebe, E, as in ebe, B, as in bebe, and E as in... Ello there mate.

oh, the places

As I was leaning over the sink in the bathroom at Starbucks the other day getting one of my twice daily shots, I had a thought. I should count up all the places, faces, etc. of the things in my life lately dealing with adopting this little one. Here goes.

{Around the USA in 80 Doctors}

I know I haven’t seen close to that, but sometimes it seems like it, especially if I think back to the very beginning of our infertility journey. But, over the course of the past 6 months, and especially the past two weeks, I have seen:

• Dr. Thorn, Mason City, IA
• Sue Mullenbach, NP, St. Ansgar, IA
• Dr. Stewart, Rochester, MN
• Dr. Keenan, Knoxville, TN

Do they offer punch cards for this kind of thing? See 10 doctors, get your 11th for free?

{If you’ve ever stabbed me, put your hands up!}

As much as I try to plan my daily, and now twice daily shots around times when Jerome is home to give them to me, it doesn’t always happen. I really wish I wasn’t such a baby and could just do it myself. But, who am I kidding, I’m a baby. So, those who have seen my glorious six pack abs (*cough*cough*) to stab me are:

• Jerome (He says it’s like vaccinating hogs. Real nice, man, real nice.)
• Heather (She’s a veteran and showed us how to do the booty shot!)
• Christine (For her first time, I totally freaked her out by yelling, “Stab me! Just stab me!”)
• Krista (I think she might just dislike needles as much as I do! What wouldn't she do for a friend?)
• Mari (I can tell by the look in her eye that she enjoys stabbing me way too much!)

I hope to keep Jerome (and Heather) the only ones to see my “backside” … fingers crossed. Apologies if ever have to, but deepest thanks if you do!

{Location, location, location.}

It’s all about prime location. Or, not so prime in my case. The places I have RECEIVED a shot are, in no particular order:

• My house
• A friend’s house
• The side of the road
• The Little Caesar’s parking lot
• A truck stop parking lot
• Hotel room after hotel room
• The bathroom at Starbucks
• My boss’ office
• The bathroom of a super gross gas station
• The bathroom at the movie theater

There are more, I’m sure. I think from now on, I’m just going to start looking for odd places to get a shot. Gotta keep it interesting, right?

What a journey this has been.

hey there

Hey there, little ones.

I’m sorry for my fear, my worry, my selfishness.

Thank you, for waiting patiently, for life here, or above.

I promise, if you have life here, with us, you will continue to have love. Crazy love!

And, if you have life above, you will have beyond the greatest love imaginable from the Father. I know this love is better than any I can give.

{BUT, if I can put my vote in, I’d really, really, really, really, really love to have you, here, with us, to love, and hold, and show God’s love to! Really, really! So, hang in there!}

Lord, if these little ones have life here, I will praise, love and serve You!

And, if these little ones have life above, with You, I will praise, love and serve You!

one word

At the end of the year 2009, I heard of the great idea of picking ONE WORD, focused on your relationship with the Lord, as your type of New Year's resolution, instead of a whole list of ridiculous things that will never be accomplished. I liked it.

So, when 2010 hit, I picked my word.

Selfless

Yep, I picked selfless. I wanted to strive to be selfless, because let's face it, I'm seriously selfish. I kept a reminder of my word in various places around my house, in my Bible, on my computer, etc., etc.

However, 2010 ended up being what I am convinced was, and will be, the most SELFISH year of my life. It was the complete opposite of what I had wanted to strive for with the Lord, and I pretty much ignored Him in every single area of my life. I am ashamed of it. There isn't much in that year that I really ever care to repeat.

2011 came and I didn't pick a word. 2010's nearly killed me, I wasn't doing that again so soon.

2012. I decided that I would try again with another word. I thought long and hard about it because I wanted a word that I was sure I could handle. All I wanted in my word for this year (and forever, honestly), was something that was totally about Him. Him being my all. Him overwhelming me. So, I picked it.

Consumed

Easy enough, I thought. Right? Being selfless was something that was MY responsibility to act upon. And I failed, big time. But, being consumed by God was up to Him to do. Right? Kind of.

I was driving home the other night, thinking about the next thing on my list I had to accomplish and about how overwhelmed I am currently with life. Too busy with this, that. Preparing for another transfer. Being involved in numerous weddings. Living life with others. Emotionally overwhelmed. Physically overwhelmed. And then it hit me: I'm overwhelmed in every area of my life EXCEPT spiritually, my relationship with God. It seems I have once again, shot myself in the foot with my word for the year. I have let every other single thing around me, distract me from and shove out the important, all-satisfying God of the universe. The God of me. I am so thankful to have realized this at the halfway marker of the year instead of the end of it.

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be THANKFUL, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire. {Hebrews 12:28-29}

Choosing to not be thankful, and forgetting to be awed and amazed by my God, has allowed me to let the cares, distractions, and worries of this life creep in and crowd Him out. My choice. Ouch. God will consume me, when I am open and available to Him, and I so want that! Listen: I have to be OPEN and AVAILABLE to Him (that's up to me), and then God will consume me (up to Him)! Oh, and don't forget, God doesn't fail, so it's promise!

So, it seems the answer to my problem is simple, really.

Why am I not being thankful? Thankfulness is KEY, I will practice it! Where am I spending my time, if not with Him? Time is CRUCIAL, I will give it to Him! How am I not letting myself take joy in His amazing and simple gifts? His gifts are ABUNDANT, I wll seek them out! Why don't I stand in awe when I see Him move in my life? I will PAUSE and soak in Him! Where is my wreckless abandon in worship? I will lay down my ALL! Why am I letting myself be consumed by everything but Him? I WILL NOT allow that to happen any longer!

2012 will go down as a year consumed, by Him and Him alone.

He says

Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.

{Isaiah 43:1b}

Do you need a reminder today, my friend? I know I do!

You, yes you, (and me!), are worth{lots}. Put a reminder somewhere you can see it. Look at it, every single day. Don't let it leave your mind, your heart. Mine is strapped around my wrist. He says, you are MINE ... that screams worth{lots}. He also says you are precious in His eyes, honored, and loved.

Please, don't believe a lie that says differently.

the color of grace

I love the idea of painting, in an artistic way. I just can't seem to tap into that side of me very well yet, unfortunately.

I've been given no other choice than to be "crafty" this year with wedding gifts. We have an unreal amount of weddings, and honestly, at a low estimate of $20 per gift, per wedding, well, I just had to be creative to save some pennies! So, I bought some canvas. And paints. And brushes. Oh, and one of those great roundish things with the divots in it for paint, I have no idea what it's called ... you know, like Bob Ross has, only mine is plastic. Cheesy, right?

As I smeared the paint on the canvas for my first time, ever, I was quite excited. And then, I put more paint on. And, another color. And then, more paint. Then it dried. And then ... I repainted the whole thing again, right over the dried paint. It was awful, believe you me. I was slightly frustrated with it, with myself.

As I looked at the mess on the canvas I had made, and began to paint over the whole thing, I was thinking, how much my life is like that canvas in a way.

Sometimes I have my own ideas of what my life should look like, what I want to do, where I want to go, etc., etc., without concern of what God has for me in those areas. And then, as I stand back and look, I am left with a sloppy mess, a hurting heart, or whatever the circumstance may be. What was I thinking? Why did I think I could run my life the way I wanted, instead of the way He wants? Oh, silly me.

Thankfully, God is there, ready to repaint the messes of my life with His grace when I call out to Him. Wow, I am so thankful for His grace! It's a beautiful color on the canvas of my life.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
{2 Corinthians 12:9}

{And guess what? I am going to repaint it, again. It's still AWFUL. And, if you're reading this and getting married this year, my deepest apologies. Feel free to hang your gift in the closet.}